Zadoc Speaks: Round Two - November 22nd, 2003

Back in August, I posted a rebuttal to several inaccurate and ridiculous posts made by a former friend and former guitarist for the Nightmare. I spoke very concisely and attempted to restrain my anger after this former friend harassed Az, his girlfriend, and myself and later assaulted a friend of mine at a popular nightclub by spitting on her. I also resonded to accusations of being a plagarist and an egomaniac.

I also attempted to explain to this sad, bitter, angry fellow why I don't care to associate with him. That portion seems to have failed.

This morning this same sad bitter man wants to be paid attention to again. He caught me in a happy mood, so here I am to play along. Both of my former friend's posts can be found in the Zadoc...and the Nightmare forum intact and unedited. The posts are also reprinted down below colored in yellow text, with my replies intermixed colored in red text.

I post messages here because it's the only way it seems like you can interpret what I am saying is by reading my words.
Considering that I have called the police after your telephone harassment, and notified your email server's postmaster of your harassing behavior, I'm sure that the real reason you "post messages here" is because it's the only way you won't get a visit from your neighborhood police department or have your email account terminated or suspended.

other than that,you are impossable to communicate with.
What more can I do or say to get my point across that I don't want to communicate with you at all? I believe the only thing I haven't done is to have filed a restraining order.

when alot of negative expieriences happen so quickly,opportunity arises for hateful people.

the only threat i serve to you is in expressing my opinion.
So what would you call constant phone calls, emails, and ridiculous posts on this forum (some accusing me of plagarism)? According to New York State law that constitutes as harassment. Also, spitting on people is not a legal method of "expressing your opinion," it's called assault. Both are criminal offenses.

maybey you should "ponder" your own actions.
I would strongly advise you to do the same before you wind up trying to explain to a police officer or a lawyer about your methods of "expressing your opinion."

Anybody that rejects assistance in success obviously dosn't deserve it.
I "rejected" your "assistance", because your "assistance" included sexually molesting my keyboardist, threatening to punch my drummer, doing drugs on my property, leaving drug paraphanelia in my home and car, and forcing other members of my band to resign rather than continue working with you and accepting your "assistance".

To put it bluntly...NO! What was a simple pencil sketch for you that probably took you 45 minutes tops to sketch, I scanned, fixed your errors of proportion, colored, shaded, embossed, and corrected for several hours. I originally didn't want to even change the band's logo, but did so out of constant nagging from you (and from Dan who was basically kissing your rear-end at that time). I have since published CD's, flyers, t-shirts, coffee mugs, and other merchandise bearing that logo. I have fronted the production costs, the logo is associated with my published copyrighted works, and therefore has become a trademark for my band regardless if you helped create the afforemention logo. (KISS comes to mind here, with their logo having been designed by former guitarist Ace Frehley) If I choose to continue using the logo, have another artist render it, redesign it, replace it, or even revert back to the band's original logo that is within my rights to do so, and I will do so whenever and if ever I please. I accredit you for the illustration on all published works, be happy with that and don't commision yourself out as an artist in the future if you're going to try and demand that the owner of such artwork not use it.

then let people judge you for what you really are.k?
Well they could just listen to the music or come out to a show where not a bit of your artwork resides.

With all of your "ham" nobody can taste the "cheese",so don't worry...
I'm a vegetarian and proud to say that this is a ham-free band...until Mr. RaYzor Castaldo collaborates with us in the future. Call us "cheesey" if you wish, but you were once apart of this band for a cumulative total of about 2 years, so perhaps you are a fan of "cheese" anyways.

I'm responding to myself even before you can respond,
Talking to yourself is often the first sign of mental collapse.

I am so busy right now I shouldn't even be taking the time for this.
I highly doubt that. You like 'hearing yourself talk,' so to speak. You post here because you want to feel important and bring up your dismissal from the band almost a year after everyone else stopped caring about it. You wish you were active in a working band or project and the fact that we here have been keeping afloat just nicely without you bothers you. In response, you take it out on me in public (on my own band's website) so that you can feel important and maybe find someone gullible enough to believe any of your b.s. accusations so that you can validate to yourself your own delusional perceptions. You get angry that I am smarter than you and catch you in your lies and discrepancies and expose them for everyone else to see. You then storm off ranting that "this will be my last post here ever...and this time I mean it...I'm not even gonna come back and read your replies...I'm serious this time...and this time I REALLY mean it!..." only to be coming back in about a month or two spouting of the same crap over and over again. If I, and everyone else, didn't find replying to you absolutely hysterical I'd probably just delete your posts and continue to ban your IP addresses until you gave up.

I stopped by your website just to see how things were going for you people
B.S. ...See my explanation up above... You came here hoping that either 1) somebody might have said something about you; in turn giving you fuel to type up another ridiculous non-sensical post 2) that you'd read some news on the webpage or the forum stating that we had broken up, had a bad show, or just having a rough time, so that you could gloat and convince yourself that it somehow boils down to my decision to no longer work with you 3) that you could just start another tirade of pretending to be civil so that you could look like an 'innocent victim' when somebody or anybody told you to get lost.

,and you were kind enough to call me "government cheese"(lol)
I would say it was rather kind to call you "government cheese" considering what else comes to mind when and where you are concerned.

...It's just funny how many lives are sustained on govenment cheese...
So if you think that the Nightmare is "ham" and "cheese" we must be saviors to many more lives(?)

I just get bothered by watching such great ideas get ruined by egocentricity...
So do I. That's why you're no longer in the band.

you can say whatever the hell you want about me,but the truth is not going to change.
Sure it is. The "truth" changes every time you post here, or at least your version(s) of the "truth".

I'm not gonna generalize the whole thing and say "you don't pay attention to people's feelings as insignificant as they seem." I'm just gonna say,you could care less about how I feel
At this point, you're right, I "could care less about how you feel". After all the things you've done to me and the disrespect you've shown me and my fellow bandmates past and present over the years you crossed the line by spitting on one of my friends and chanting "Zadoc sucks" all over the club we were at. You do all that and now you wonder why I could give a flying leap about your feelings??? Be upset at me, disagree with me, hell - even talk bad about me behind my back, I can deal with all that (and unfortunately I have dealt with just that kind of behavior with other former bandmembers and friends). People get upset and disagree all the time, and from time to time we even say things that we might not entirely mean and wind up hurting people's feelings, even I am guilty of that. However, I don't go parading around to the world saying that "Monster sucks" and nor do I go spitting on people I don't like. Infact, when your name comes up in conversation what I usually say is "he was a great guitarist, and musically a great fit for us, and at one time he was my friend...unfortunately, as a human being, he's more of a liability than an an ideal world I wish he could straighten his act out and be an active musician again - in my band or otherwise..."

,just as you always were.
That's pretty sad that you can't even see that at one time you were one of my best friends.

I don't need people to "forgive" me for there faults because they have a hard time telling the truth.
You also don't take accountability, responsibility, or apologise for your mistakes either. Instead you attempt to shift the blame onto everyone else but yourself. You can call me a "liar" all you want, but at least I can keep my stories straight and not contradict myself everytime I write another post. When you're losing an argument badly you seem to really pull out that "liar" card and accuse the whole world of being against you.

If anything I do or did intimidates you,think next time before you chastise people that help you.
Intimidating? No. Annoying perhaps, but not intimidating. Perhaps you should do your thinking before you end up on the wrong side of the law. I'm quite a bit more financially stable than you are and a bit more educated on the workings of the law. You can rant and rave about how much I'm an "egotist" or a "liar" all you want, but if you persist on harassing me over the telephone, email, or attempt another assault I will fight you to the very extent of the law.

whoever said "nobody's perfect" was talking about everybody,Nathan,including you.
I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. I have made many a bad decision, including tolerating your abusive and disrespectful behavior in my band longer than I should have. I lost many good musicians and friends by trying to work through the problems you cause the band including SINdy Crucifix, Steve Moore, Illin', RaYzor, and Animal. You cost me alot of valuable musicians, as well as my time, and my money and honestly, it's my fault for not severing our working relationship sooner. Unfortunately, I am very forgiving (too much for my own good at times) and in an effort to try and be as fair and diplomatic as possible I can't please everyone all the time. I try to do what I feel is right, even if it isn't the best solution, and yes, sometimes it hurts other people's feelings.

I'm sure you will try to think of something "witty" to say
Really, I don't need to try with you. You make things too easy for me in regards to having a sharp wit. It's not exactly a level playing field I'm dealing with.

so I won't bother checking back after you remove this message and ban me AGAIN.
How many times are you going to threaten 'never to come back here again' when we all know that's about as plausable as a snowstorm at the equator? As for me removing messages, I remove messages when they're in violation of the forum rules (please be respectful of others and refrain from using profanity, flaming, and bashing of other users. ...remember that everyone has the right to their own opinions and we should all be allowed to express those opinions without belittling other people and their right to an opinion) therefore as long as you're not being overly abusive, profane, or just plain "flaming" or "trolling", I respect the right for your opinion to be heard, regardless of how misinformed it may be. As for you getting banned, you violated the agreement of the usage of the website's forum and you got exactly what was also agreed upon per usage of the forum - (Offensive and abusive posts will be edited or deleted, and abusers can and will be banned from futher use of the forum AND the guestbook.) If you manage to get a change of IP address or sneak on from another location as long as the post isn't in violation of the afforemention rules, it will stay.

what's the point of trying to talk to someone who thinks they have everything figured out all the time just because they can screne a call or remove a paragraph they don't agree with from a website.
The point being is that I've made it painfully clear that I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! Posting on the band's forum does not entitle you to free speech. This is my personal privately owned site that I've paid for, I maintain, and I manage it's content to be suitable for general usage and viewing. Other guests to the site should be able to feel comfortable joining or adding to the conversations on the forum without being harassed, flamed, abused, or subject to reading such tripe or to become offended by such. As for screening my phone calls, I have made it painfully clear that you are not to be harassing me via the telephone. Leaving dozens of answering machine messages on my answering machine and clogging up my available space for messages that I do want to hear is rude, annoying, and inconsiderate. The content of most of your messages is unwanted and unwarranted. I have made my attempts to try to speak with you in a civil manner since your dismissal from the band and your disrespectful and insulting manner is what has made me decide to cease contact with you, alongside of the fact that you don't listen to anything anyone says, you believe only what you want to believe. Why would I want to speak to someone who doesn't listen to what I say anyways? You have repeatedly put words in my mouth despite myself giving an explanation contrary to what you want to believe I'm saying, you repeatedly contradict yourself, change your stories, and then have the gall to call me a "liar", you throw insults at me, spit on my friends, and you honestly don't have a clue why I don't want to talk to you? Gimme a break...

You now have EVERYTHING you need to be succesful.I just can't sit on the side and watch someone of your intellegence ruin something so balanced.
Yes, you can and will "sit on the side and watch" me do whatever I please with this project. You are not a part of this band anymore, Az, Carmen, and I alone decide what to do with this band regarless of whether your opinion thinks that we're "ruin something so balanced."

If you are once again complaining about the circumstances of the desolution of our working relationship together, you have yourself to blame for that one. You proved to me time and again that you cannot work as a team player. When I dissolved the band (not just you, everyone) you attacked me accusing me of "taking sides" when meanwhile I wasn't giving either you or our former keyboardist (or anyone else that matter) any different treatment. I offered to help everyone start and contribute to separate projects as the thought of continuing The Nightmare left a sour taste after the disgusting behavior you and our then keyboardist partook in. For whatever reason, you decided that I was betraying you by playing favorites (when it was so painfully obvious how stressed and hurt I was to have to retire my own project and my dreams because of two people - you and the keyboardist in question- and their disgusting behavior which sabotaged our working relationship). You both almost destroyed what I had worked so hard to culminate with your own greed, lusts, and disrespect for everyone else around you who were working their tails off, and prevented this project from reaching a potential that was ripe for the picking if you two could only have settled your differences after a failed affair. Aside from this incident, I could have continued working with either one of you, and I even offered to do so until I could stomach attempting to ressurect this band from the damage you two caused to my enjoyment of it. While everyone was disappointed with my decision to put the band on hold, everyone understood what I was going through...that is, everyone but you. You attacked me calling me an arrogant, egotistical, traitorous, favoritist, and a terrible band leader - all at my weakest hour after disolving my own blood, sweat, tears, and dreams because of something I wasn't even involved in - something you and our keyboardist started and continued despite my attempted interventions and attempts to bring us back to a level of professionalism. After your verbal assault it became clear to me that I shouldn't have to punish myself for a problem I didn't create. Everyone else in the band was eager to pick up the pieces, and no one else in the band called me an arrogant, egotistical, traitorous, favoritist, and a terrible band leader. They understood what a difficult thing it was for me to do to abandon my own hard work and they were compassionate, patient, and understanding with me through the entire process - they were being my friends. Regardless of my split with those three members of the band a few months later, I still thank them and owe them my gratitude for helping me through one of the toughest moments in my career as a musician. They supported me all the way through a big black page in this bands long history.

To Animal, Ambrosia, and RaYzor, thank you for being my friends when I really needed you all.

I guess it's better if I pretend YOU don't exsist...besides,your better off with me out of the way,right?
Perhaps you're right, old friend. Perhaps you're right.